Breakdown 101

It was a fairly uneventful day to start. Took boys to school then sis & I went home to eat, play and nap. She got to nap anyway. With a list of things to do, we picked little man up from school and headed to the insurance office to pick up new info. On my way I passed the church that does the food bank every Wednesday from 11-1. The parking lot was FULL. I felt guilty. Although my stop was a necessity, the event that lead me there was not. It was not a necessity at all, it was a want, pure and simple. Those families waiting in line for food, that was a necessity. Can you imagine not being able to feed your children? Material things DO NOT matter. What am I teaching my boys? My heart was heavy. We made our stop then sis had a dermatology appointment. Afterward I had to stop at the bank, DMV, and get gas before picking Speck up from school. The boys got home and the war began. I have no idea how many times I found myself telling them to be nice. Then I heard it. I heard Speck being ugly to his brother. It broke my heart. Not so much because of what he said (really it was just brother stuff) but because the tone of voice, just how it sounded. He sounded like me when I am getting on to them. I panicked. What have I done? How can I talk to my kids like that? I can't imagine how it must make them feel to have their mom sound like THAT. & I know he learned it from me. They don't just KNOW how to have that tone. I composed myself, we ate, then it was bath time. Sis managed to get in my cabinet and squeezed an entire (new) tube of bath & body works lotion onto the rug so I put her in my tub. (at least the bathroom smells good now ;) While she was playing I sat in the floor and started folding clothes, and the tears started flowing. Little man made his way in there and decided he wasn't quite clean enough so he climbed in with her. He started spitting water (never mind the fact that she had probably peed in it) and she was cackling. I just sat back and watched and listened. There is nothing better than a baby with a deep belly laugh. By the time the floor was flooded, I was laughing through the tears. About the time they dried up and I was getting her out, little man says "Wow sister, you've got a lot of junk in the trunk"! Needless to say I was crying again but this time it was because I was laughing so hard. Today I was reminded how blessed I am. How I have failed. How much I love my kids. How much I take for granted. How much I need Him.