Hmmm...

Not sure where to start, life is busy but really fairly boring, so nothing terribly interesting to post.  Working backward...

*The ice/snow & 5 days at home:  We had snowball fights, football games, and sledding races (without major injury, although sis looks a little rough) and a house full of kids and laughter! 

*Me & school: I'm out for about 6 weeks and managed a 4.0 this semester and a scholarship for the spring!

*Family: my MIL & I had a LONG overdue conversation (by about 10 years or so) strange but necessary and working its way to improving

*my grandpa is still with us and we are thankful, but he is in more pain everyday and I don't want him to suffer, but we're not ready to say goodbye

*my grandma is "leveling out" and doing better on most days

*his grandma scraped her leg on a plastic box and ended up in the ER with a staph infection after being stuck in the house for 4 days and unable to see the real damage. she is legally blind so she only knew it hurt...

*we got to spend Thanksgiving in TX with my papa and meet a new cousin

*my brother moved to Germany last week but he will be here next week and get to stay for a whole month!

*Hubby went to New Mexico and got his 10th elk, yay, I guess

*we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, sort of, with sick kids ;)

* I went on my first hunting expedition with the boys and we saw 2 does but couldn't get a shot, and I got in trouble for taking pictures 

I'm sure there is more, but those are the high points. I so wish I was better at this and more creative.  Maybe, just maybe, one of these days...

this time of year

some things I love...the pumpkin EVERYTHING, the great weather, & football.
some things I could do without...getting dark earlier and the germs that seem to appear!
sis had it last weekend, hubby during the week and both boys today. good grief :/
at least I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home and take care of everybody, right?! At 3 am on of the boys said "mom, you know you're next, right? who is going to take care of you?" yes buddy, I know...so, we wait to see how long it takes ;)

1 down 3 to go

Well, as of 3:00 today everyone (including me) will have made it through the first month of school. Whew! and WOW, a month, already??? Sis is doing really well this year, only a few tears and now shes a big girl.  She has gotten the best listener award 3 times. Although I hear she is still the "helper" (boss) on most days. Thats ok by her daddy, he says it just means shes a strong leader. They have a date tonight. She says she is taking him to dinner and for dessert, a.k.a. Olive Garden & Cherry Berry :)

Little man is loving school.  He adores his teacher and of course getting to play with his friends every day.  He is still getting up and ready without any trouble.  We are having to remind him the importance of thinking before he speaks.  He has a kind of "brick wall" personality that isn't exactly compassionate & he doesn't understand that everyone isn't like that. We're working on it but overall he's made great strides so far this year.  His first football game was a little surprising.  He was kind of timid of the other team & didn't really want to tackle. Its strange because in practice he takes them out. Maybe tomorrow will be different. He's having fun though, and thats all that matters.

My big guy...he isn't loving school.  In fact we've had the counselor involved and we (I) do LOTS of talking.  He doesn't say much.  He's so unhappy. I hate it for him. His grades are good but other things are changing.  This too shall pass, but it breaks a momma's heart watching it.   He did make the basketball team so that is his bright spot. He says its why he gets up to go to school

Knock on wood, I'm a little scared to admit it, but this semester for me hasn't been near as bad as I thought it would be. I actually have days that I get, dare I say it...bored...when sis is at school.  Don't get me wrong, there is always laundry to be done and something to clean but nothing pressing that HAS to be done right then.  We are enjoying lots of evening walks/bike rides and time at the park.  The boys are busy on opposite nights so it gives us a little more one on two time ;)

Its been almost 2 months since my Papa passed away  &  I think I am surprised at how much more I miss him now.  Its almost like its getting harder the longer it is.  I go to the cemetary often & just sit in my car.  I don't want to get out & go "there" but I need to see where he is.  Sis still asks lots of questions and makes lots of 4 year old comments so we get to smile about it almost everyday. 

Life is busy but good. We are blessed.

Day 7

School got off without a hitch last week for everyone.  And still seems to be going well. The mornings are (fairly) stress free at the moment. Not sure how long that will last but going to enjoy it none the less!
Football is in full swing & he LOVES it!
An unexpected invitation to play fall baseball came up so we are dividing a lot of time between the two.
Sis is in gymnastics again and thinks its wonderful :)
Today is her first full day at school and I am here having a pity party. I know there are a million and one things I could/should be doing but I just don't want to.  Hubby doesn't get it. He thinks I'm crazy and should be celebrating. Instead, I'm pouting. I cannot imagine what next year will be like. Oh. My.

huh?

summer is over. what??? where in the world did it go?? we are making a long weekend into a mini vacation for the kiddos and I took 2 weeks off work (one to spend with them before school starts and one to try and get a routine started)

I finished summer school last week. and got an A. SO excited about that!
we had a visit with my brother, although not the reason I wanted him to come, he was here for 10 days. The kids were really sad when he left. and he was too.
its been 3 weeks since papa passed away. most days are pretty good but some catch me off guard and its a little harder. Sis still asks lots of questions so its an ongoing discussion.  

my papa in TX isn't doing very well. He fell in his garage and my grandma didn't know it. we aren't sure how long he was out there but he is home from the hospital and in his own bed so he's happier.
mom is strugging to balance traveling to see him as often as she can, and taking care of my grandma here, who FLIPS out every time mom leaves.

but, all in all, life is good :)

John 14: 1-3

I found this today and then it was suggested by a sweet friend. That said to me it was meant to be and it was just what I needed to read.  I am very fortunate to be 37 and still have all 4 of my grandparents. I haven't ever experienced a great loss of anyone close to me.    Wed afternoon I was at work when mom called to tell me the time was coming quickly & we needed to get to my Papa's as soon as we could.  I left work early and headed over there. He was sleeping but would wake up if you touched his hand or talked to him.  I sat beside him and held his hand for several hours.  Hubby brought the kiddos and he woke up to love on them for a bit.  It didn't last long & he was asleep again, but enough that he knew they were there & they got to talk to him.  Some sweet friends let the kids spend the night so I could stay with him.  After about midnight he didn't say anything else.  He rested well most of the night but when morning came he was uncomfortable.  His WONDERFUL hospice staff told us what to do to keep him calm and comfortable.  My grandma, mom and I were there when he peacefully passed away.   I was not nearly as prepared as I told myself I was.  Since I had dealt with things like this countless times and he had been sick for so long and felt so bad for the last few days, I thought I was ready.  I was WRONG.  My mind knows hes in a better place.  Hes not suffering anymore.  But I didn't know the kind of physical hurt I would have.   There was lots of laughter through tears while we looked through all the photo albums.  The boys are ok, one better than the other. Sis is struggling and asking lots of 4 year old questions.  I hate it for them.  My grandma is actually dealing better than any of us, I think.  My dad, however, is not.  Its going to be a long road but it will be ok. 

the last one

The last one of the boxes was unpacked and thrown in the dumpster. Its starting to get a little more settled. Still having to think about where some things were put or if I remember seeing others.  Kiddos and puppy dogs seem to be adjusting fine. The dirt is driving me nuts but I'm sure it will be ready and still waiting when I get the chance to clean it up!
School is in full force and keeping me on my toes.  Its a 4:30 am job and a 12 am catch up session to stay on top of things.
Baseball wrapped up with a second place league trophy and a 3rd place in state. Not too bad. 
Football started tonight and I chose to hang out here to write a paper so as not to interfere with weekend/early next week plans.
After a new prop and a fridge on the front porch for a bleaching (story and pics at a later date ;) we enjoyed a super fun weekend at the lake with some new and kinda old but "found again" friends
Summer is good but unfortunately the end is beginning to sneak up.  Just about a month til it all starts again.  Seems like we just got started :(
Lots more to squeeze in before then!!

48 days

The amount of time that has passed since I posted anything here. Doubt anyone is seriously missing it but none the less a quick update...
We finished the house and moved out of the duplex over the weekend. Everyone's room is unboxed and sort of put together. But there are boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures stacked up.  Its making me CRAZY.
School started back today. And yet here I am on blogger. Not a good idea I'm sure but I'm not quite ready to tackle it just yet. 
Little man is playing in the championship baseball game tonight.
Speck was chosen to play for the All Star team so we will be doing a little traveling (about 5 hours one way) this weekend to watch more ball.
We have had 2 weekends at the lake so far and one of them consisted of a minor boat mishap.  Still waiting to hear the damage on that one.
Life is crazy but good. We are blessed. Just ignore me if you notice anything strange as I try figure out how to make it all work :)

just the highlights

I have pics that need to accompany this post but I'm just not "there" yet!  So we'll just hit the highlights and move on so Sis & I can get on with playing dress up today since its the first day in a LONG time I haven't had to go anywhere :)
*we had a 12 year old paintball party saturday, with 21 shooters! WOW!! judging from some of the little round bruises I think I'm glad I did not participate!
*I'm out of school til July 8th, whoo hoo! then the real fun begins. taking total advantage of the next few weeks
*got some wonderful new pics of my sweet kiddos from a GrEaT photographer ;) but its the first time I haven't been able to put them in frames and hang them up right away. They are boxed and stored safely until we move. Ugh!
*The brick is almost finished. The cabinets are in, the painters will be out Wed & flooring goes down the end of the week. He says about 4-5 more weeks & we will be moving.
*We go back to ACH on Thurs to have his hearing & the graft checked for the final follow up. Praying this is it.
*We spent Mothers Day at the AR baseball game with good friends & the weather was perfect. Couldn't have asked for anything more.
*My papa in TX took his first of two rounds of chemo last week. So far, so good. He goes again tomorrow. His goal is to make it until October when my cousin's baby is due. The prognosis without treatment is "weeks" and with treatment "months". Prayers he can remain peaceful and pain free.
*My papa here is beginning to deteriorate almost daily.  His respirations slowed to about 6/minute on Thurs. He says he is ready to go.  As hard as that is, I'm grateful he isn't hurting or afraid.

bittersweet





my SUPER TALENTED friend was chasing these silly kiddos & asked if I wanted to jump in one of the shots. At first I said no thanks, but about the time we were loading up in the car I changed my mind.  I am SO glad I did. As usual, she did a GREAT job, but the reason behind the picture and the reaction to it will never be forgotten.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

another post so soon?! WOW!!

Although its nothing too great its still a post and that in itself is something!
Lets see...Sunday sis had the tummy bug and is still complaining of a stomach ache 6 days later. But she was only really sick one day.  I had it Wed. so I can totally relate.  Little man had it Thurs. and I am hoping Speck doesn't get so lucky.  Hubby really stands no chance because he has been gone turkey hunting for the last two weeks. I am REALLY trying to be nice but my patience are runnning out :) He literally was gone until Wed, came home around 6, dumped dirty clothes in the floor and said, "I really need these tomorrow" by 7 am he was on his way to the office to make an appearance and by 2 pm he was gone again.  But I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the facts, sort of. 

Speck had a minor oral surgery yesterday.  There was a tumor growing over a tooth that was preventing it from coming in so they removed it.  I thought they would cut it out and suture it up.  They definiately cut it out, but they did not suture it up.  There is a huge, gaping hole in his mouth. It makes my knees weak.  I do not like that kind of stuff!!!  He is such a trooper though. No complaints at all. 

I have been working on a paper for several weeks now.  The kind that can make or break a graduation.  I finally finished it today and turned it in. All 24 pages of it. Whoo Hoo!! And I got an email that said the graduation requirements had been changed (which initially made me flip out) but ended up working in my favor. NO SUMMER SCHOOL!!!  and I got my official letter last week that says the REAL fun will start Aug 15. I am just thankful for the opportunity. I'm not sure its sunk in yet. But I am excited.

The house is moving right along.  The sheet rock is hung and the brick is going up. Much to my dismay. I do NOT like the color. We are working on that. Hubby insists he can get it handled. He just has to come home long enough to do it. Maybe that is the issue with my crankiness??!!

So far I have been through 8 different wall colors and still no luck.  I just can't seem to find one I like. Guess I will keep looking. So if you are in need of a pint of paint in pretty much any color, let me know.  I probably have it in my garage.

We are making the trip to TX again next weekend.  My papa went to the oncologist Tuesday. The cancer has spread into the tissue around his lungs and to his esophagus.  He is losing blood somewhere but they can't find the source.  He has a major infection that antibiotics are not helping.  The doctor told him that in his opinion it was a "matter of weeks"  Next Sat is their 60th anniversary and we are all going to celebrate, as much as possible.  My grandma wants a family portrait so that is the plan for now.  Sis is having a really hard time.  She keeps crying and saying she doesn't want to lose him. We have had MANY conversations about heaven and God and death and all the things a 4 year old shouldn't have to talk about. She drew a picture and wants to mail it to Jesus to that papa will have it when he gets to heaven.  She wants to know how long he will be gone and when he will come back. And if he will always keep her in his heart because she will always keep him in hers.  He calls her Sally just to aggrivate and it has always done just that. Gotten a rise out of her.  Now she wants everybody to call her that.  A little overwhelming.

My mom is struggling with losing her dad. And I am struggling with seeing her so upset. She is always so strong. I am afraid this is literally going to be more than she can take. Every time she doesn't answer her phone I panic.  I hate that she is huring so bad and I can't do anything to help.

Papa here fell this week. Thankfully he is ok. just bruised.  My grandma is having a hard time. her mind deteriorates more every day.  Hospice is still working out good and that is a blessing for us all.

Dr. Seuss:  "Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory"

well, its been a while, so as usual its time to play catch up. There are a thousand and one pictures I probably should load here, but the fact that I have finally downloaded/uploaded them somewhere else besides the SD card is progress! And this one pretty much sums it up.  Once again, my super sweet, wonderfully talented friend took this of my kiddos. She said "kiss your sister" and its exactly what it looks like :) big brother was more than happy to oblige and little brother would have no part of it what so ever!  I can never ever begin to express my gratitude for the priceless memories she has created for us.

ok, now where to fill in...grandparents are all still about the same. no better, no worse. and right now thats a blessing.

 went to a funeral this morning for a dear friend's mom who passed away.

horrible. terrible. awful.

the house is coming along. no major issues so far. a few "discussions" but all is well. the brick mason and the sheet rock hanger started today.

my brother is in the middle of moving from Dublin to London. go figure. 

I got my official letter for school. let the fun begin. Aug. 15, 122 days to be exact!

& the funny for the day...little man ventured into a nearby creek today & apparently decided to taste the water. Big brother proceeded to tell him it had parasites in it (which it probably does) & that he was going to die. He FLIPPED out. kept telling me he felt funny & had a lump in his throat. I of course had to add to it and told him he was going to wake up with a worm on his pillow that had crawled out his ear or maybe his nose. Mean, mean mom, yes I know.  Again, he FLIPPED out. So, pepto to the rescue. Did you know it can kill any parasite you might ingest? He believes it anyway. And as long as we get some sleep tonight, its a miracle drug. & I bet he never tastes that water again!!  

It's The Little Things

The things that really matter. Really make memories. It's the little things.  I read a FB post from a new grandma about always rocking your babies because the laundry and dishes will always be there and the babies won't. That is so true.  I'm guilty of the rush - rush attitude all the time. And it stinks. I have to remind myself all the time to slow down. Sometimes it works & sometimes I think "there is always tomorrow".  Unfortunately not always. My moms dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer just by chance.  He also has bladder cancer that has eaten through the wall. Yesterday the MRI results showed brain cancer too.   They have been told there is no cure & treatment will most likely make his quality of very poor. The prognosis is 2-4 months.  It's been a whirlwind of shock & disbelief. Other than being tired, He hasn't been sick.  I have never seen him cry. When we left to come home last week he literally fell into my grandmothers arms sobbing.  They have been married 60 years. 2 kids. 6 grandkids & 13 great-grandkids.  He says he's not scared. He's worried. About my grandma being alone and about all of us and what our memories of him are. He is worried he wasn't a good enough husband, dad, grandpa & great grandpa.  That makes me sad. The thought of him not being here makes me sad but the thought of him worrying about us makes me more sad. So today I'm taking his lead & following his example because I have been reminded all too well that we are not promised tomorrow.  

this & that

*Well we managed to keep sickness away for the most part of "flu season" and now I've had 2 down in 48 hours :(  Sis ran a temp Sat & Sun (104 @ one point) and now little man is home after he lost his breakfast. Fun stuff! All is good though, he is up and playing already.
*My papa here is going on Hospice. Its a good thing. He's ready and my grandmother needs more help than we can give her.
*My papa in TX was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. Still waiting on all the details but right now they think he is a good surgical candidate. My mom has just about had all she can take. She's a VERY strong person & never, ever loses control. But I can see it coming. And when it hits, its going to hit hard.
*One of my classes was only 8 weeks so it is over for the semester. I would say I feel a little bit lost without as much school work but so far I'm able to stay busy ;) I ended up with a 92, which is a B. 4 more points would have been an A. Not % but "hard points". I was just a tad irritated. But O well. Its over. Gotta move on. I doubt any of my patients will ask why I didn't get that A...hopefully!
*The house is changing everyday. The walls are up and the trusses should be done this afternoon. I think the goal is to have the roof on by Sat.  WOW!
*My car was involved in a little fender bender last weekend. A sweet friend took Speck & his friend to NWA for the basketball game (in my car) & a lady hit them in the parking lot. Nobody was hurt & its nothing major. But a scratch deep enough it needs a whole new bumper. More of a pain to deal with than anything. And bless their hearts a very upset kiddo! But it was an accident & NOBODY WAS HURT. I'm sure its not the first time I will get a phone call from a teenager about a wreck. I just hope they are all that minor.

just checking in

we are still here. chasing our tails mostly. but alive and kicking and relatively healthy.  my papa is back in the hospital. again. for the 4th time in the last month. we are trying to get him on Hospice but its not going well so far. maybe soon.  my sweet friend whose mom got so sick so fast is still managing a road trip several times a week to be with her and try see her kiddos as much as possible.  one of my 2 classes this semester will be over next week. thats great news, except for the final, two other tests and paper that has to be done before then.  the house is coming along. without any help from me. he says he will have it framed by next Friday. until then I will continue to wash mounds of mud out of his clothes that he collects while tromping around out there every.single.day. I got to work L & D yesterday (first time in several months) and it made me realize that as much as this post sounds like I am complaining, really, I am VERY, EXTREMELY, WONDERFULLY GRATEFUL for my life and all its chaos!

change

Its not something I'm good at. Even when its for "the better"... just a few things that are changing (or not) around here
my friend's mom is still in ICU on a ventilator with no improvement. she is there every.single.day.  away from her 3 kiddos. 
little man is having a good "run". he is beginning to get a handle on some of the things we struggle with so hard.
sis is having a hard time at school again and I'm not sure why. She's back to crying and begging me not to leave her.
my grandpa was back in the hospital last week but is home now. he has congestive heart failure and they are trying to manage the symptoms and keep him comfortable.
my grandma had a stroke Saturday. she doesn't have any motor deficiencies but it affected her mentally.
I got to have lunch with a great group of friends. It had been waaaaaay too long. And even though it is greatly appreciated, they are in trouble... ;)
one of my classes is 1/2 over for the semester. whoo hoo!
I took THE test for school last week. I should have results by Friday.
We broke ground on the house yesterday.

a sweet friend

my heart is heavy today for a dear sweet friend. her mom is on life support and not improving. she is faced with a very hard decision. and they are not in a hospital in the same town she lives, so she is away from her kids. as if that isn't enough, she's got more heartache coming, she knows about this one, but its not any easier.  I talked to her today for a while and we both cried. I absolutely hate this for her. she's the kind of friend you don't have to see or even talk to for a long, long time but you just pick up right where you left off like it was yesterday. she is one of the sweetest people I know. she needs some prayers today, tomorrow, and probably for a while to come. 

arguing with myself

Today has been a yuck day. Nothing really bad, just a yuck day. Especially for a Friday. This whole building a house thing is making me crazy (when really I should just be thankful we are being given the opportunity) I took a test and got a B (I should be glad I passed) Sis has an ear infection (she could have the flu) I have LOTS of paperwork piled up that I need to be doing but the kids won't let me (we are all together, relatively healthy & happy) My grandpa is home from the hospital and doing better. My grandmother, however is not. (we still have both of them with us) I know in my heart that all is good. My head just keeps arguing :/

holding pattern

My monday morning plans of sleeping in didn't quite go as expected. My phone rang at 6:30 am. Never a good thing when you aren't expecting it. My grandpa was on his way to the ER. That was a little over 9 hours ago and he is still in the ER. They are admitting him for pneumonia but there aren't any rooms so he's just hanging out. When they did the x rays & the dr. came in to talk to them he said his lung cancer is now stage 4 & has spread to his stomach. He isn't in any pain but his heart rate is really high and his pulse ox is staying about as low as they will "let" it without intervention. I can't go up there with all the kiddos this time of year so I'm having to hang out & wait too. I feel guilty for not visiting with him more often. We had plans to go out there today.
We have been waiting to put a hole in the gorund for a few weeks now but because of all the new paperwork that is required its taking a little longer than we were told. So, we are just hanging out & waiting. In the mean time I have started back to school for the spring semester. I have 2 classes but one of them is only until March 3. Can you say ExCiTeD??!! I won't know what to do if I only have to keep up with one set of assignments :) It does however require clinical hours so that will be an adjustment, and it is in an area that I'm not so crazy about, but still, only a little bit compared to what I've been doing. Kiddos are all good, tired of being confined, but good. Little man takes 2 steps forward and 1 step back but overall going in the right direction. Sis is 4 going on 14! Speck got his braces today. We go Thurs for a consult with the ear surgeon to schedule #3. And he has to go see the oral surgeon about getting his wisdom teeth out.

already behind

I have lots of pics but for some unknown reason both of my cameras are on the blilnk. One is currently in line to be repaired and the other is still sitting on the shelf while I decide whether to fix it or replace it. Anyway, pics are locked up at the moment :(
We celebrated Christmas at my grandparents house Christmas Eve and Christmas morning then headed to LR to see the inlaws. We made it just in time before the snow hit and to enjoy the power outage! We hung out Wed then headed home Thurs afternoon. The kiddos stayed to visit while hubby and I went to CO with some friends. We skiied and ate really good food and it was SUPER DUPER COLD (-12). We came home and sis turned 4. WHAT?! How.Did.That.Happen??? One sad mommy. This is the first time I've had a 4 year old without being pregnant or having a new baby. So far no sympathy from anybody around here ;)
I start back to school 1/14. Not ready for that yet either but don't think I have a choice. I'm spending this week working on a to do list hubby gave me a while ago. I thought mabye if I igorned him he would go away. No such luck. Knock on wood, nobody has been very sick. Just coughing and runny noses. Thank goodness. There are lots of people who are though, work has called a minimum of 2 times every day trying to get me to come in. Not nice, I know, but I really don't want to spend any extra time at the hospital right now.
We are still struggling with Little Man and his lack of self control. We've tried all suggestions and so far no luck. This too shall pass. It just doesn't feel like it right now.
Speck's mouth is just about to run away with itself. I'm sure its a combination of age and being so confined. I love them anyway.
We started the new year off with a big bang, trying to make a dent in our deductibles. Between the three of them they had 7 cavities and 3 crowns. It wasn't a fun last few days of break! & Speck gets his braces Monday then to the oral surgeon for a consult on wisdom teeth. Never a dull day around here, just gotta remember to slow down and enjoy ALL of it, even the yuck stuff.