bittersweet





my SUPER TALENTED friend was chasing these silly kiddos & asked if I wanted to jump in one of the shots. At first I said no thanks, but about the time we were loading up in the car I changed my mind.  I am SO glad I did. As usual, she did a GREAT job, but the reason behind the picture and the reaction to it will never be forgotten.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

another post so soon?! WOW!!

Although its nothing too great its still a post and that in itself is something!
Lets see...Sunday sis had the tummy bug and is still complaining of a stomach ache 6 days later. But she was only really sick one day.  I had it Wed. so I can totally relate.  Little man had it Thurs. and I am hoping Speck doesn't get so lucky.  Hubby really stands no chance because he has been gone turkey hunting for the last two weeks. I am REALLY trying to be nice but my patience are runnning out :) He literally was gone until Wed, came home around 6, dumped dirty clothes in the floor and said, "I really need these tomorrow" by 7 am he was on his way to the office to make an appearance and by 2 pm he was gone again.  But I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the facts, sort of. 

Speck had a minor oral surgery yesterday.  There was a tumor growing over a tooth that was preventing it from coming in so they removed it.  I thought they would cut it out and suture it up.  They definiately cut it out, but they did not suture it up.  There is a huge, gaping hole in his mouth. It makes my knees weak.  I do not like that kind of stuff!!!  He is such a trooper though. No complaints at all. 

I have been working on a paper for several weeks now.  The kind that can make or break a graduation.  I finally finished it today and turned it in. All 24 pages of it. Whoo Hoo!! And I got an email that said the graduation requirements had been changed (which initially made me flip out) but ended up working in my favor. NO SUMMER SCHOOL!!!  and I got my official letter last week that says the REAL fun will start Aug 15. I am just thankful for the opportunity. I'm not sure its sunk in yet. But I am excited.

The house is moving right along.  The sheet rock is hung and the brick is going up. Much to my dismay. I do NOT like the color. We are working on that. Hubby insists he can get it handled. He just has to come home long enough to do it. Maybe that is the issue with my crankiness??!!

So far I have been through 8 different wall colors and still no luck.  I just can't seem to find one I like. Guess I will keep looking. So if you are in need of a pint of paint in pretty much any color, let me know.  I probably have it in my garage.

We are making the trip to TX again next weekend.  My papa went to the oncologist Tuesday. The cancer has spread into the tissue around his lungs and to his esophagus.  He is losing blood somewhere but they can't find the source.  He has a major infection that antibiotics are not helping.  The doctor told him that in his opinion it was a "matter of weeks"  Next Sat is their 60th anniversary and we are all going to celebrate, as much as possible.  My grandma wants a family portrait so that is the plan for now.  Sis is having a really hard time.  She keeps crying and saying she doesn't want to lose him. We have had MANY conversations about heaven and God and death and all the things a 4 year old shouldn't have to talk about. She drew a picture and wants to mail it to Jesus to that papa will have it when he gets to heaven.  She wants to know how long he will be gone and when he will come back. And if he will always keep her in his heart because she will always keep him in hers.  He calls her Sally just to aggrivate and it has always done just that. Gotten a rise out of her.  Now she wants everybody to call her that.  A little overwhelming.

My mom is struggling with losing her dad. And I am struggling with seeing her so upset. She is always so strong. I am afraid this is literally going to be more than she can take. Every time she doesn't answer her phone I panic.  I hate that she is huring so bad and I can't do anything to help.

Papa here fell this week. Thankfully he is ok. just bruised.  My grandma is having a hard time. her mind deteriorates more every day.  Hospice is still working out good and that is a blessing for us all.

Dr. Seuss:  "Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory"

well, its been a while, so as usual its time to play catch up. There are a thousand and one pictures I probably should load here, but the fact that I have finally downloaded/uploaded them somewhere else besides the SD card is progress! And this one pretty much sums it up.  Once again, my super sweet, wonderfully talented friend took this of my kiddos. She said "kiss your sister" and its exactly what it looks like :) big brother was more than happy to oblige and little brother would have no part of it what so ever!  I can never ever begin to express my gratitude for the priceless memories she has created for us.

ok, now where to fill in...grandparents are all still about the same. no better, no worse. and right now thats a blessing.

 went to a funeral this morning for a dear friend's mom who passed away.

horrible. terrible. awful.

the house is coming along. no major issues so far. a few "discussions" but all is well. the brick mason and the sheet rock hanger started today.

my brother is in the middle of moving from Dublin to London. go figure. 

I got my official letter for school. let the fun begin. Aug. 15, 122 days to be exact!

& the funny for the day...little man ventured into a nearby creek today & apparently decided to taste the water. Big brother proceeded to tell him it had parasites in it (which it probably does) & that he was going to die. He FLIPPED out. kept telling me he felt funny & had a lump in his throat. I of course had to add to it and told him he was going to wake up with a worm on his pillow that had crawled out his ear or maybe his nose. Mean, mean mom, yes I know.  Again, he FLIPPED out. So, pepto to the rescue. Did you know it can kill any parasite you might ingest? He believes it anyway. And as long as we get some sleep tonight, its a miracle drug. & I bet he never tastes that water again!!  

It's The Little Things

The things that really matter. Really make memories. It's the little things.  I read a FB post from a new grandma about always rocking your babies because the laundry and dishes will always be there and the babies won't. That is so true.  I'm guilty of the rush - rush attitude all the time. And it stinks. I have to remind myself all the time to slow down. Sometimes it works & sometimes I think "there is always tomorrow".  Unfortunately not always. My moms dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer just by chance.  He also has bladder cancer that has eaten through the wall. Yesterday the MRI results showed brain cancer too.   They have been told there is no cure & treatment will most likely make his quality of very poor. The prognosis is 2-4 months.  It's been a whirlwind of shock & disbelief. Other than being tired, He hasn't been sick.  I have never seen him cry. When we left to come home last week he literally fell into my grandmothers arms sobbing.  They have been married 60 years. 2 kids. 6 grandkids & 13 great-grandkids.  He says he's not scared. He's worried. About my grandma being alone and about all of us and what our memories of him are. He is worried he wasn't a good enough husband, dad, grandpa & great grandpa.  That makes me sad. The thought of him not being here makes me sad but the thought of him worrying about us makes me more sad. So today I'm taking his lead & following his example because I have been reminded all too well that we are not promised tomorrow.  

this & that

*Well we managed to keep sickness away for the most part of "flu season" and now I've had 2 down in 48 hours :(  Sis ran a temp Sat & Sun (104 @ one point) and now little man is home after he lost his breakfast. Fun stuff! All is good though, he is up and playing already.
*My papa here is going on Hospice. Its a good thing. He's ready and my grandmother needs more help than we can give her.
*My papa in TX was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. Still waiting on all the details but right now they think he is a good surgical candidate. My mom has just about had all she can take. She's a VERY strong person & never, ever loses control. But I can see it coming. And when it hits, its going to hit hard.
*One of my classes was only 8 weeks so it is over for the semester. I would say I feel a little bit lost without as much school work but so far I'm able to stay busy ;) I ended up with a 92, which is a B. 4 more points would have been an A. Not % but "hard points". I was just a tad irritated. But O well. Its over. Gotta move on. I doubt any of my patients will ask why I didn't get that A...hopefully!
*The house is changing everyday. The walls are up and the trusses should be done this afternoon. I think the goal is to have the roof on by Sat.  WOW!
*My car was involved in a little fender bender last weekend. A sweet friend took Speck & his friend to NWA for the basketball game (in my car) & a lady hit them in the parking lot. Nobody was hurt & its nothing major. But a scratch deep enough it needs a whole new bumper. More of a pain to deal with than anything. And bless their hearts a very upset kiddo! But it was an accident & NOBODY WAS HURT. I'm sure its not the first time I will get a phone call from a teenager about a wreck. I just hope they are all that minor.

just checking in

we are still here. chasing our tails mostly. but alive and kicking and relatively healthy.  my papa is back in the hospital. again. for the 4th time in the last month. we are trying to get him on Hospice but its not going well so far. maybe soon.  my sweet friend whose mom got so sick so fast is still managing a road trip several times a week to be with her and try see her kiddos as much as possible.  one of my 2 classes this semester will be over next week. thats great news, except for the final, two other tests and paper that has to be done before then.  the house is coming along. without any help from me. he says he will have it framed by next Friday. until then I will continue to wash mounds of mud out of his clothes that he collects while tromping around out there every.single.day. I got to work L & D yesterday (first time in several months) and it made me realize that as much as this post sounds like I am complaining, really, I am VERY, EXTREMELY, WONDERFULLY GRATEFUL for my life and all its chaos!

change

Its not something I'm good at. Even when its for "the better"... just a few things that are changing (or not) around here
my friend's mom is still in ICU on a ventilator with no improvement. she is there every.single.day.  away from her 3 kiddos. 
little man is having a good "run". he is beginning to get a handle on some of the things we struggle with so hard.
sis is having a hard time at school again and I'm not sure why. She's back to crying and begging me not to leave her.
my grandpa was back in the hospital last week but is home now. he has congestive heart failure and they are trying to manage the symptoms and keep him comfortable.
my grandma had a stroke Saturday. she doesn't have any motor deficiencies but it affected her mentally.
I got to have lunch with a great group of friends. It had been waaaaaay too long. And even though it is greatly appreciated, they are in trouble... ;)
one of my classes is 1/2 over for the semester. whoo hoo!
I took THE test for school last week. I should have results by Friday.
We broke ground on the house yesterday.