pity party

I think I have been feeling a little sorry for myself lately. Really not even being in the Christmas spirit. I have had to almost make myself "go". Some days are better. Some days are worse. Yesterday was worse. Little man has gotten OUT.OF.HAND. Everyday is something different, more over the top. More days than not by the time hubby gets home I am on the couch in tears. We saw his Dr. and he is referring us. Mixed emotions about that. My grandpa is beginning to have symptoms from his lung cancer. I went with them to the radiation oncologist yesterday and treatment is still questionable. My grandmother can't think straight on a good day and can't ever remember anything. I'm afraid its the beginning of alzhiemers. They aren't able to take care of themselves any more. My parents can't decide if they are going to get along or not. My 2 year old is becoming more dramatic by the hour. Last night she cut her hair. I didn't think it was that bad, and it could definately be worse. But while I was trying to fix it this morning I saw the real damage. Its to the scalp. A big chunk over her left ear. There is a thin layer that I can cover it with but she looks like a little rag a muffin. I know, its only hair & it will grow back. It was just the final piece that sent me over the edge. I had a pretty good melt down. Bad enough that hubby even called to check on me this morning. Today I have been much more calm and rational. I laid in bed, listening to the hamster scratch the carpet at 5 am, and thought about a few things. First, I'm just reallly being a big baby! We will get to have Christmas as a family. And its going to be a good one. My kids are all healthy. I get to stay home and raise them. We have a warm house to sleep in and plenty of food to eat. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. I have wonderful friends who listen to me complain. And most of all I have a God that forgives.